Shifting towards the future

Yahoooo! My creative writing blog is doing so very well!! I'm averaging between 50-100 views a day.  I have people encouraging me to finish a novel because they want to read more of my work.  I have Authors who's writing ability I respect telling me not to procrastinate on it. :)  This month has been a great turn around.  It was a bit rocky at first with employers/housing allowance situation but that resolved itself with a big push from me.  It helps that the people who didn't care have left. I never could stand people who would tell you lies because they were in denial themselves.  Love made me put up a lot of poor behaviour. I will keep in mind that you can only heal an abused dog if he wants it.  Just wish I hadn't wasted so much time encouraging them towards mental health.  There were times I need that myself.  I entered a dark place again quite recently and I didn't much enjoy being there. Worrying about hiding my painkillers so I won't be tempted to take to many or only handling knives when others were around unless I did something harmful was a chore well and truly. I really wanted to leave that place in my teens where it belonged. I want to move forward not back. I want to enjoy what time I have, whether it's days or decades.

....zZzZZ

I'm so fricken tired. I've been have trouble sleeping for various reasons.  So I stayed up reading till 5a.m. Brilliant...  I expected to drift long before that.  I'm still trying to write a formal request letter to my employers for payslips. It's nearly complete but between the mix of emotion the entire situation has awakened and the tiredness I can't seem to okay the draft.  I had better luck with my creative writing this morning, but it's not urgent!

I have totally had enough...

Sooo quick recap - life fell apart after seizures lead to discovery of tumor in the left hemisphere of my brain. It has been removed and 3 months of recover later I'm trying to pick up the pieces. However, my work place seems intent on ,asking my health worse. My biggest concern for getting my life back together is the persistent, ongoing seizures. I have been trying so hard to get these under control. But given that tense emotional states, fatigue and cognitive/physical exertion all bring the seizures on, this a tough task.

Today I recieved a request from the local housing authority requesting my last three payslips (clearly to prove I am still only receiving sick pay). This is to be expected. But it was then that I realised that, in addition to forgetting to pay my sick pay in November, they had not sent me one payslip since September. If I can't prove what I am receiving then I will face, at the very least, a temporary suspension of my housing allowance. Since I am still unable to work the hours necessary to afford to live off wages this is actually quite stressful and anxiety inducing. But it is beginning to feel that that is all my current employers have done since the tumor was found; every spell of stress/anxiety leaves me with increased risk of a seizures. I do not know how much longer I can cope. -_-