It's 2:30 am. I am awake. Very awake, and not because I want to be. Ironically, instead of staying up this late playing games or reading or doing something as equally more fun then sleeping I actually went to sleep early (well, fell asleep with lights on but it still counts!) When I woke up I had some very coherent ideas for the current writing project, which if I can cure the habit of switching projects, will actually be a complete story line (huzzah!) After a very productive note session I'm now in the middle of a brain slump - caused for the first time in ages by actually cognitive work. So now, I brood...
I say brood, it's really just quizzical thoughts on the whole concept of new years resolutions. I did not make any this year - this in itself is fine as they never are remembered past the first week. My problem this year is that my concerns are very simple, and I have no desire to set goals. My only determination at this point is to make it too 28 alive. Simple, neh? It would be nice to have an idea of where, or what I want to be by 2016 but at this point it is not possible. I'm too close to my brush with death; and I have had far to many difficult changes forced on me to know where I stand let alone knowing what I want to do in the future. In small ways I am already moving forward, concrete 'resolutions' or not. I am learning how to cope with and, importantly, predict my seizures, and while i'm not comfortable with the need, if only occasional, for a cane at my age I'm just counting myself lucky that I can walk at all. I'm pushing myself out of the god-awful depression that was pulling me backwards post surgery, and trying to test the new boundaries to physical and mental capabilities. I would like to keep faith in myself at this point, rather then be beat down by others nonsensical ideas.
Overall, I'd say if I had a resolution this year it would be to continue to grow, rather then to let the hurt of the past year weigh me down.
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