I seem to spend most of my life in transitory periods, living through one period of change to another. For awhile this made me feel pretty aimless, as even if I had made a decision, situations change around me and I'm in a lurch fighting to keep up and get ahead. The past 18 months have been particularly interesting to experience, though I'd have much rather watched it from the side-lines the live though it; particular that nasty biochemical depression that occurred after the neuro finished cutting the hole in my head. Actual Depression + Biochemical Depression = not fun, usually suicidal. I think sometimes part of my brain has defaulted to pretending it all happened to someone else. A brain tumor, break up, death of a family member, moving home because of medical dependency on others will all do that to you. I'm just happy I'm past the stage when I wake gasping for breath because I think I'm dying in my sleep, or in tears for no reason, or momentary sleep paralysis (which I really want to see a neuropsychologist about) have diminished to almost never with the exception of the final one. I think my endocrine system has finally recovered from the steroids as well. Back to normal PCOS symptons. It's bad when you just dream about snuggling in, nice and warm, when you're already in bed! lol Fantastic dream, then I wake up because of head, side, back and period pains!
Of course I don't make things easy for myself. I'm starting my social work placement this coming week. With under 25s at that! What a learning curve. I took on an addition elective this semester so I have two theory modules to along side the 30 hour per week prac. I'm now able to process the adoption paperwork for RSPCA so now I do more for them. Fortunately I've cut my news articles down to fortnightly and will be letting my WIN project officer know I'll be working for 4 months so won't be helping with playgroup. I also survived my week long intensive at the Gold Coast Campus 8-4 while still going back to backpackers and finishing assessments - one of which I got an 82% on! My brain works so much better without the pressure. :) Things are going well at the moment so fingers crossed its stays that way.
Course some days it dosen't take much to sour the my mood. I spotted college humour posting a collecting of live tweets from a twitter account of a couple breaking up because of hodkins lymphoma. Real or fake, it's a pretty insensitive thing to post. In fairness to college humour I think they were trying to illustrate how cruel people can be but as someone who's been through it, having your privacy breached like that can make the humiliation and pain that bit worse. I noticed they took the post down rather quickly after I commented that it was rather insensitive whether the tweets were a hoax or not. Besides, even if they're only sharing something that's already posted on the internet they may face legal repercussions. So it made no sense to post it in the first place.
On a brighter note, I've produced some new poems, and new flash fiction.
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label poetry. Show all posts
Wednesday 2 March 2016
Wednesday 7 January 2015
A poem and a short fic in one day?
In other news I have given Crazy Thoughts a complete over haul. How is the new look?
Tragic dreams inspiring poetry!
There are some questions you do not ask yourself in the middle of the night. Your brain will be so caught up trying to give you an answer that it will cook up strange dreams that won't actually be an answer to the question you asked but a response to the emotions behind the question. The brain has a funny way of subconsciously solving this emotion based niggles. The answers are almost always wrapped up in difficult to interpret dream signs that actually cause more confusion then they answer.
What was my question? I was wondering about past lives, more specifically, my own. No this is an area that is best left up to your personal beliefs but my personal belief is in the rebirth/re-incarnation cycle. In fact I feel I have occasional glimpses at that former self - to experience the memory of final moments certain sent a shiver down my spine. That, gratefully, was not what I was thinking about last night. When I dwell on those glimpses I sense that there was a person whom this other self loved beyond all reason; someone for whom they willingly threw their life away in battle for. Of course, it was late in the night and I began wondering if I had met or would meet that person in this life time. This was not a good point in the train of thought to fall asleep...
My dream was sad, I warn you now. It starts of with a man putting a letting a waterproof case and attaching to the bottom of an iceberg. Then I see a family home. My kid (which I have none of) is playing in the background and I am unable to focus on cooking dinner - it keeps going wrong. The man from before begins to play with the kid and offers ice cream although dinner has not been had. Feeling frustrated and sad I open the fridge to discover he has labeled absolutely everything ( including stuff that already out of date). Next thing I know I am watching him leave, not stopping him and shedding not tears, asking the universe if this is how it's meant to be. The next thing I know my attention is call back to the iceberg. I realise that the letter is a representation of what he feels and believes. Then there is this terrible knowledge that archeologist in a distant future will know more about his state of mind then I ever will.
It was at this point that I woke up feeling like an unchangable tragedy had happened.
But I wrote a nice poem as a result!
What was my question? I was wondering about past lives, more specifically, my own. No this is an area that is best left up to your personal beliefs but my personal belief is in the rebirth/re-incarnation cycle. In fact I feel I have occasional glimpses at that former self - to experience the memory of final moments certain sent a shiver down my spine. That, gratefully, was not what I was thinking about last night. When I dwell on those glimpses I sense that there was a person whom this other self loved beyond all reason; someone for whom they willingly threw their life away in battle for. Of course, it was late in the night and I began wondering if I had met or would meet that person in this life time. This was not a good point in the train of thought to fall asleep...
My dream was sad, I warn you now. It starts of with a man putting a letting a waterproof case and attaching to the bottom of an iceberg. Then I see a family home. My kid (which I have none of) is playing in the background and I am unable to focus on cooking dinner - it keeps going wrong. The man from before begins to play with the kid and offers ice cream although dinner has not been had. Feeling frustrated and sad I open the fridge to discover he has labeled absolutely everything ( including stuff that already out of date). Next thing I know I am watching him leave, not stopping him and shedding not tears, asking the universe if this is how it's meant to be. The next thing I know my attention is call back to the iceberg. I realise that the letter is a representation of what he feels and believes. Then there is this terrible knowledge that archeologist in a distant future will know more about his state of mind then I ever will.
It was at this point that I woke up feeling like an unchangable tragedy had happened.
But I wrote a nice poem as a result!
Thursday 30 October 2014
Butterflies
Hungry little caterpillar
spinning a cocoon
Dreaming of the day
she will fly away soon.
Seasons shift, time flows forward
Our little caterpillar releases from her dreams.
I've always seen butterflies as a symbol of change. At this point in my life there is no symbol more representative of my experience. I can effectively say my life as it was is currently in tatters without being overly dramatic. I no longer know who I am or where I'm going. I am left with the singular option of walking forward, hoping not to stumble. Meanwhile, I turn back to my literary pursuits; there's nothing more helpful then escapism into the written world.
Monday 27 January 2014
Think of of the fiction!!
It has been a productive week for my muse. I have given him so much exercise he must have collapsed from exhaustion by this point. But I have several great projects to show for it and my writing is steadily improving.
The Crown and the cavern started life as 'Picture it and Write' challenge. It is flash fiction that is a cautionary tale about reading the instructions.
Country Guy and City Girl are two separate pieces of flash fiction that happen to be the same story from different points of view. Nice real romance. I may do a continuation.
A parody of 'Singing in the rain' that is deliberately of key about the joys of job hunting. You will be able to tell i have been job hunting for too long that day. I clearly needed a break.
A walk in the rain A nice short poem :)
The Crown and the cavern started life as 'Picture it and Write' challenge. It is flash fiction that is a cautionary tale about reading the instructions.
Country Guy and City Girl are two separate pieces of flash fiction that happen to be the same story from different points of view. Nice real romance. I may do a continuation.
A parody of 'Singing in the rain' that is deliberately of key about the joys of job hunting. You will be able to tell i have been job hunting for too long that day. I clearly needed a break.
A walk in the rain A nice short poem :)
Wednesday 22 January 2014
Upon reflection: poetry
I freaked myself out earlier. Some days that's not much of an achievement. I am a bit of an oddball at the best of times. I caught myself making faces and odd poses in the mirror many times. My own face can make some terrifying expressions. However, what I freaked myself out with today was a short poem I wrote as part of a Daily Post writing challenge.
The idea was very simple: Produce a few short observations of lunch that capture the essence of your experience. From this I wrote Eating Alone; a very short piece of poetry that captures the theme of the challenge as best as my ability is able. After I posted this poem it suddenly occurred to me that was a disturbing element of unease in the words i used. This is a clear reflection of the mood I was in when writing it. That is when I realized I need to go out to where there is noise and people!
Isn't sad how we can sometimes blind ourselves to our own mood?
The idea was very simple: Produce a few short observations of lunch that capture the essence of your experience. From this I wrote Eating Alone; a very short piece of poetry that captures the theme of the challenge as best as my ability is able. After I posted this poem it suddenly occurred to me that was a disturbing element of unease in the words i used. This is a clear reflection of the mood I was in when writing it. That is when I realized I need to go out to where there is noise and people!
Isn't sad how we can sometimes blind ourselves to our own mood?
Thursday 16 January 2014
I totally admit it.
I really do.
I have been completely immersed into writing again recently. Its both good, bad and scary. On one hand I feel like I've rediscovered a part of myself that for various reason got quashed by real life. On the other, I feel like its distracting me from things I could/should be doing.
And I really should make a new batch of soap.
I really, really should.
Having said all this, here's another shameless plug - Don't listen! A new poem about the dangers of listening to the crazy voice in your head.
I also wrote this short piece. Pepper, thanks to a random word challenge. Coming up with something interesting and different based on the word pepper was Haaard.
I have been completely immersed into writing again recently. Its both good, bad and scary. On one hand I feel like I've rediscovered a part of myself that for various reason got quashed by real life. On the other, I feel like its distracting me from things I could/should be doing.
And I really should make a new batch of soap.
I really, really should.
Having said all this, here's another shameless plug - Don't listen! A new poem about the dangers of listening to the crazy voice in your head.
I also wrote this short piece. Pepper, thanks to a random word challenge. Coming up with something interesting and different based on the word pepper was Haaard.
Sunday 12 January 2014
Coffee related poetry
Caffeine deprivation has it's uses. My headache lead to this little poem: No coffee? Short and sweet.
Tuesday 29 May 2012
Coffee
Writing helps my brain work. It's like oil for the engine. For some reason this one was difficult. I must be tired or maybe Coffee was just an awkward word to use.
Coffee, bitter-sweet,
mOrnings favourite treat
Flavour calls to me
breakFast, lunch, and tea
coffeE calls to me
Early everyday.
Coffee, bitter-sweet,
mOrnings favourite treat
Flavour calls to me
breakFast, lunch, and tea
coffeE calls to me
Early everyday.
Monday 14 May 2012
Coping with writer's block
The first thing that happens when I attempt to start work on an assignment or project is that my brain has a minor freeze as to how to go about writing it. Because of this I've had to come up with several techniques in order to combat writer's block.
1) Ease off the coffee. Contrary to common belief, caffeine does not help you get work done. Caffeine is a stimulant. To a degree it will make you brain work faster, however after a certain point it will actually over-stimulate you. This will mean you will be easily distracted from your task and fidget/pace incessantly. This is not a frame of mind in which anyone can work. This is why it is important to limit you caffeine intake.
2) Fruits, vegetables and seafood. It is incredibly important o have a healthy diet. A good diet will impact on your overall health. Better health will mean that you are better able to cope with long periods of study as you will be able to work longer with reduced exhaustion. Fish and vegetables contain several nutrients that are vital to the production of chemical neurotransmitters in the brain. This will improve concentration and ability to use and retain information.
3) Water. Drinking plenty of water has many health benefits. I have devoted an entire article to this earlier. Water will improve concentration and will support the brain function. Goes without saying that this is incredibly important.
4) Exercise. It is important to have a health amount of exercise in your lifestyle. It also will stimulate your ability to think by increasing blood flow to the brain and encouraging the production of endorphins - neurochemicals important to brain function and reduction of stress.
If making these changes to your lifestyle doesn't help there are a few only solutions that might work.
5) Meditation. Clearing you mind and relaxing can sometimes remove the anxiety/stress that is stopping you from getting the words out that you need. Try some simple breathing exercises - get yourself into a comfortable position and focus on counting your breaths. Just breath. Alternatively, you can try visualisation exercises; pick a favourite scene and slowly build up details until you have the whole picture in your mind. Imagine yourself walking around the scene picking up objects and sensing them - touch smell ect. This will relax your body will building up your ability to focus.
6) Free writing. Open a notepad or word document and start writing. It doesn't matter what you write. In fact don't focus on what you are writing. Just let the words flow out. At some point, you will be hit by inspiration and and begin to write on the topic you were blocked on in the first place.
7) Structured questions. If you already have a good idea of what you want to say but are having trouble getting this down on paper, begin asking yourself structured questions. Eg I need to introduce an an article for my assignment. I will ask myself questions like 'what is the article?', 'Who was it written by?', 'When was it written?', 'What is it about?', 'What do I need to do with it?' ect. This can be adapted for writing scenes for novels. Ask yourselves questions like 'What is going on in the scene?', 'Where is it set?', 'Who is in this scene?', 'How are the dressed?' ect. After you have devised and answered these question you will have enough information to write this into a paragraph/chapter.
1) Ease off the coffee. Contrary to common belief, caffeine does not help you get work done. Caffeine is a stimulant. To a degree it will make you brain work faster, however after a certain point it will actually over-stimulate you. This will mean you will be easily distracted from your task and fidget/pace incessantly. This is not a frame of mind in which anyone can work. This is why it is important to limit you caffeine intake.
2) Fruits, vegetables and seafood. It is incredibly important o have a healthy diet. A good diet will impact on your overall health. Better health will mean that you are better able to cope with long periods of study as you will be able to work longer with reduced exhaustion. Fish and vegetables contain several nutrients that are vital to the production of chemical neurotransmitters in the brain. This will improve concentration and ability to use and retain information.
3) Water. Drinking plenty of water has many health benefits. I have devoted an entire article to this earlier. Water will improve concentration and will support the brain function. Goes without saying that this is incredibly important.
4) Exercise. It is important to have a health amount of exercise in your lifestyle. It also will stimulate your ability to think by increasing blood flow to the brain and encouraging the production of endorphins - neurochemicals important to brain function and reduction of stress.
If making these changes to your lifestyle doesn't help there are a few only solutions that might work.
5) Meditation. Clearing you mind and relaxing can sometimes remove the anxiety/stress that is stopping you from getting the words out that you need. Try some simple breathing exercises - get yourself into a comfortable position and focus on counting your breaths. Just breath. Alternatively, you can try visualisation exercises; pick a favourite scene and slowly build up details until you have the whole picture in your mind. Imagine yourself walking around the scene picking up objects and sensing them - touch smell ect. This will relax your body will building up your ability to focus.
6) Free writing. Open a notepad or word document and start writing. It doesn't matter what you write. In fact don't focus on what you are writing. Just let the words flow out. At some point, you will be hit by inspiration and and begin to write on the topic you were blocked on in the first place.
7) Structured questions. If you already have a good idea of what you want to say but are having trouble getting this down on paper, begin asking yourself structured questions. Eg I need to introduce an an article for my assignment. I will ask myself questions like 'what is the article?', 'Who was it written by?', 'When was it written?', 'What is it about?', 'What do I need to do with it?' ect. This can be adapted for writing scenes for novels. Ask yourselves questions like 'What is going on in the scene?', 'Where is it set?', 'Who is in this scene?', 'How are the dressed?' ect. After you have devised and answered these question you will have enough information to write this into a paragraph/chapter.
Monday 7 May 2012
Chocolate
Cocoa, so simple
Heady and sweet
Our little treat
Cocoa, so nicely sweetened
Our little sweet
Late in the night
A welcome site
To be received
Every eve
Heady and sweet
Our little treat
Cocoa, so nicely sweetened
Our little sweet
Late in the night
A welcome site
To be received
Every eve
Tuesday 17 April 2012
Sunflower
Sunflower,
Soaking up the sun,
Watch rabbits run.
Sunflower,
Drenched in light,
A gentle sprite.
Sunflower,
Gazing far,
Watch the star.
Sunflower,
Living life
Without strife.
Sunflower.
Soaking up the sun,
Watch rabbits run.
Sunflower,
Drenched in light,
A gentle sprite.
Sunflower,
Gazing far,
Watch the star.
Sunflower,
Living life
Without strife.
Sunflower.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)