This funny old thing we call life.

I seem to spend most of my life in transitory periods, living through one period of change to another.  For awhile this made me feel pretty aimless, as even if I had made a decision, situations change around me and I'm in a lurch fighting to keep up and get ahead.  The past 18 months have been particularly interesting to experience, though I'd have much rather watched it from the side-lines the live though it; particular that nasty biochemical depression that occurred after the neuro finished cutting the hole in my head. Actual Depression + Biochemical Depression = not fun, usually suicidal.  I think sometimes part of my brain has defaulted to pretending it all happened to someone else.  A brain tumor, break up, death of a family member, moving home because of medical dependency on others will all do that to you.  I'm just happy I'm past the stage when I wake gasping for breath  because  I think I'm dying in my sleep, or in tears for no reason, or momentary sleep paralysis (which I really want to see a neuropsychologist about) have diminished to almost never with the exception of the final one.  I think my endocrine system has finally recovered from the steroids as well.  Back to normal PCOS symptons.  It's bad when you just dream about snuggling in, nice and warm, when you're already in bed! lol Fantastic dream, then I wake up because of head, side, back and period pains!

Of course I don't make things easy for myself. I'm starting my social work placement this coming week.  With under 25s at that! What a learning curve.  I took on an addition elective this semester so I have two theory modules to along side the 30 hour per week prac.  I'm now able to process the adoption paperwork for RSPCA so now I do more for them.  Fortunately I've cut my news articles down to fortnightly and will be letting my WIN project officer know I'll be working for 4 months so won't be helping with playgroup.  I also survived my week long intensive at the Gold Coast Campus 8-4 while still going back to  backpackers and finishing assessments - one of which I got an 82% on!  My brain works so much better without the pressure. :)  Things are going well at the moment so fingers crossed its stays that way.

Course some days it dosen't take much to sour the my mood.  I spotted college humour posting a collecting of live tweets from a twitter account of a couple breaking up because of hodkins lymphoma.  Real or fake, it's a pretty insensitive thing to post. In fairness to college humour I think they were trying to illustrate how cruel people can be but as someone who's been through it, having your privacy breached like that can make the humiliation and pain that bit worse. I noticed they took the post down rather quickly after I commented that it was rather insensitive whether the tweets were a hoax or not.  Besides, even if they're only sharing something that's already posted on the internet they may face legal repercussions.  So it made no sense to post it in the first place.

On a brighter note, I've produced some new poems, and new flash fiction.

The wish list

Today. Just another day. I have have uploaded another flash fic to Next Stop: The End. They just keep coming this week. I'm more than a little worried about my poor laptop's performance these days. Between the hardware issues and the software conflicts it's getting close to new laptop time; I just hope this baby of machine will hold out until such a time as when I can actually afford to replace it.

Money is crux of my issues atm.  Living on SSP and housing benefits leaves me with little to spare. Because of a badly timed direct debit I actually went overdrawn on my account (literally if it had gone out the next day it would have been fine). This, as you would expect, meant my mobile was cut off very, very briefly. 45 minutes and 2 calls later it was all sorted out.  The Co-operative bank's customer adviser was very helpful, and the fee had already been wavered as it was the first time it had happened on my account.  He also gave me very sound advice on what to do if I thought it would happen next time. And, surprise surprise, virgin media was all too helpful when I called them too sort it out.

I am actually to the point where I want to be working again... But because of change in my capabilities I need to do a phased return to work. Ultimately I may even have to switch jobs, if my current job triggers to many seizures. Of course, that's only something only time will tell.

There's just a few many things on my needed list a the moment, like new glasses. The reduction in inter-cranial pressure means my distance prescription is right off now. A new pair is in £200 region.

If I had to make a wish list this would be it

- lack of seizures (unlikely, I haven't had any untriggered ones for a little while but the triggers are everyday occurrences)

- Ability to work enough hours to not have to worry about loss of SSP and housing support that my return to work will mean.

- new glasses

- new laptop

- clear MRI

- for any seizure I do have to a) not give me muscular weakness and lock of motor control in right side, b) to not the aforementioned persist after a seizure has long ended

- no need for a cane (see previous sentence)

- Oh and since I'm asking for the impossible or the improbable - wealth, fame and fortune?

Distractions and productivity are not mutually exclusive

I'd like to say 'Another day, Another Dollar' but since I'm on sick pay the days don't mean much either way. I would go stark raving mad at my current lack of activity if it weren't for the fact that my anti-epileptic drugs make me too lethargic to actually give a rat's arse. I meant to get more writing done today, and perhaps even work some more on my CV for when I find a job for occupational therapy.  Then the distractions hit...

Today's distraction...

- Decided to vacuum room. Eventually I actually got to this but only after I finished vacuuming the lounge out.
- Thought meh, may as well vacuum the lounge and realised no one had done the couches and cushions for awhile; two breaks, a washing pile and lunch later this finally got done
- Needed to hang out washing, having remember to actually put it in in the first place.
- Oh, right. Need to take down dry stuff first; but I want to work on this piece I'm writing
- Eh, no milk for me. :( :( Walkies!!!! :)
- Still not wrote anything but sudden epiphany made me put off making bed
- Working through notes on project, hit me that it may actually be easier to time up the 12 pages of outline I have to make the changes.
- Finally manage to write a writing challenge (Called kick her to the Curb), still not started typing up current project

Conveniently I 'forgot' about CV.  But since all I need to refine now is the references and format I think I'm good.  I'm kinda restricted in what I do at the moment anyway and have to consider any job as part of a learning curve. I'm expecting workplace stress factors to affect my triggers.

Actually, dispite the distraction level I was quite productive  ^_^

A poem and a short fic in one day?

OMG I've actually been productive. Don't die on me now. ;) I kicked the day off to a start with The lion and the wolf; a bittersweet poem about mis-matched couples. I took that momentum and carried through with The Blackout; a short piece of rom-com fic in 100 words that was written as part of the Friday Fictioneers challenge. And I'm still considered writing another scene for my current project, a romance with both supernatural and crime-related action elements.

In other news I have given Crazy Thoughts a complete over haul.  How is the new look?

Think of of the fiction!!

It has been a productive week for my muse.  I have given him so much exercise he must have collapsed from exhaustion by this point.  But I have several great projects to show for it and my writing is steadily improving.


The Crown and the cavern started life as 'Picture it and Write' challenge.  It is flash fiction that is a cautionary tale about reading the instructions.
Country Guy and City Girl  are two separate pieces of flash fiction that happen to be the same story from different points of view.  Nice real romance.  I may do a continuation.
A parody  of 'Singing in the rain' that is deliberately of key about the joys of job hunting.  You will be able to tell i have been job hunting for too long that day.  I clearly needed a break.
A walk in the rain  A nice short poem :)