I am Pin Cushion

No jokes. I should change my name to Pin Cushion. Every time I need a cannula I entered into an insane little ritual. The nurse will prod my elbows to find a vein. Each one will seem too deep, too close a tendon or will roll itself out of the needles way. Then they usually go after my wrist. Today, today.... My valve blew because the needle was dangerously close: no harm but a nice bruise. At this point the radiologist is called. After slapping my hand for what seems like ages and asking me I have drunk enough today he finally tries the veins in the back of my hand unsuccessfully twice. At this point I no longer care. So they go for my other wrist, finally get the canula in and we get on with the MRI. But then, the vein gets its revenge. They remove the canula and the little bastard won't stop bleeding....

With the exception of the bleeding, this happens every time.....

Anyone else want to jab me today?

STARBUCKS!!!

I finally have it! The first cup of Starbucks coffee in 4 months. It's been soooo long :( .  I'm in Oxford for my first proper MRI since the craniotomy. And it's too cold for me to wander around. I forgot how pretty Oxford, even mid-winter. I almost regret getting here 2 hours early but that's just perfect time frame for sitting in 'bucks having a drink. Funny bit is I would have gotten to headington and hour earlier but trains heading south from Banbury were facing severe delays as the result of broken down freight train. Fun day for rail staff.

It's been a busy day already. First job was to get to a drs appointment to ask my dr to write a letter to send to the benefits office on my behalf.  I am hoping it will be enough to make them reconsider suspension off the housing allowance because, while I am pursuing other avenues to get my payslips, it will be cutting it close if I do get them in time. At the moment I have to hope the benefits team will accent bank statements. Bloody frustrating. The worst part is I'm not even blaming the benefits team; it's their job. Although the best part of the day was my dr advising me not to go back to working with them. Highlight.

But I guess I am going to have to go into my savings sooner than planned either way -_- I need new glasses, sooner the better. The prescription difference is substantial enough that I get eye strain just walking around town. Working the mail-out at age concern was fun. Had to keep stooping or bringing the envelopes uncomfortably close to my face evey time there was a snag.

Good on ya, Google

Google plus sharing system just gave the best laugh. I shared my most recent flash fic yesterday only to discover that it has tagged it under the most ludicrous thing ever: bear. The fic is about a teen who has run away from home only to be found by her brother; it has Nothing to do with bears!!! The only time I mentioned the word 'bear' was in my explanatory note as to why I did not want to reduce the word count further. However, this give me a good laugh. :) I needed that. It's been a stressy day.  My housing allowance may be suspended in 3 weeks if my work place doesn't send me my last three payslips which they should have been sending me in the first place. To top it off they have not even replied to the email I sent to them regarding the matter last week.  According to the benefits office they can not accept any other documentation. If that benefit is suspended I'm going to have to move my phasing back to work plan a month ahead of planned date because I will need the money to cover rent. ;.;

I have totally had enough...

Sooo quick recap - life fell apart after seizures lead to discovery of tumor in the left hemisphere of my brain. It has been removed and 3 months of recover later I'm trying to pick up the pieces. However, my work place seems intent on ,asking my health worse. My biggest concern for getting my life back together is the persistent, ongoing seizures. I have been trying so hard to get these under control. But given that tense emotional states, fatigue and cognitive/physical exertion all bring the seizures on, this a tough task.

Today I recieved a request from the local housing authority requesting my last three payslips (clearly to prove I am still only receiving sick pay). This is to be expected. But it was then that I realised that, in addition to forgetting to pay my sick pay in November, they had not sent me one payslip since September. If I can't prove what I am receiving then I will face, at the very least, a temporary suspension of my housing allowance. Since I am still unable to work the hours necessary to afford to live off wages this is actually quite stressful and anxiety inducing. But it is beginning to feel that that is all my current employers have done since the tumor was found; every spell of stress/anxiety leaves me with increased risk of a seizures. I do not know how much longer I can cope. -_-

The wish list

Today. Just another day. I have have uploaded another flash fic to Next Stop: The End. They just keep coming this week. I'm more than a little worried about my poor laptop's performance these days. Between the hardware issues and the software conflicts it's getting close to new laptop time; I just hope this baby of machine will hold out until such a time as when I can actually afford to replace it.

Money is crux of my issues atm.  Living on SSP and housing benefits leaves me with little to spare. Because of a badly timed direct debit I actually went overdrawn on my account (literally if it had gone out the next day it would have been fine). This, as you would expect, meant my mobile was cut off very, very briefly. 45 minutes and 2 calls later it was all sorted out.  The Co-operative bank's customer adviser was very helpful, and the fee had already been wavered as it was the first time it had happened on my account.  He also gave me very sound advice on what to do if I thought it would happen next time. And, surprise surprise, virgin media was all too helpful when I called them too sort it out.

I am actually to the point where I want to be working again... But because of change in my capabilities I need to do a phased return to work. Ultimately I may even have to switch jobs, if my current job triggers to many seizures. Of course, that's only something only time will tell.

There's just a few many things on my needed list a the moment, like new glasses. The reduction in inter-cranial pressure means my distance prescription is right off now. A new pair is in £200 region.

If I had to make a wish list this would be it

- lack of seizures (unlikely, I haven't had any untriggered ones for a little while but the triggers are everyday occurrences)

- Ability to work enough hours to not have to worry about loss of SSP and housing support that my return to work will mean.

- new glasses

- new laptop

- clear MRI

- for any seizure I do have to a) not give me muscular weakness and lock of motor control in right side, b) to not the aforementioned persist after a seizure has long ended

- no need for a cane (see previous sentence)

- Oh and since I'm asking for the impossible or the improbable - wealth, fame and fortune?